im sick of this shit.
im tired of hurting.

i dont want to watch my father hurt anymore
i dont want to watch my mother fight inside.
i dont want to deal with the pain i have

i just want to let go.
i'm always hurting.
and i wish i didnt.
i dont want to anymore.

i dont want to do this
i dont want to be here.
i dont want to feel all these things.

i just want to fade away
faster
into nothing.

after all,
i'm already slowly disappearing.

i havent felt this way
in a long long while

but when i did before...
i had someone there for me.
now i dont.
because he's one of the people who's hurting me.

i dont knwo where to go
what to do
who to talk to,

i hate this.
for the first time,
i cant sleep
i woke, and i can't sleep.

i dont wanna do this anymore.
i just want to slop hurting.
i dont want to be affected by anyone anymore.

i dont want to hurt when i see them together anymore.
i dont want to hurt when i see my parents.
i dont want to hurt when i see nothing in front of me
i dont want to hurt when i need to wait.

sometimes
when someone hurts you so badly
you wonder if they even know.
...i wonder that too.

i hate this.
i wish i didnt need people.
i want to just make it on my own.
i dont want to rely on others
because they're bound to let you down.

i hate being like this
i hate feeling so much despair,
but what can i do?
a person can only fight so long...

fuck this.

Because my desktop computer crashed.
No matter how I tried to fix it,
damn it's still in the midst of crashing. )8
& this means that I'm so going to die, because all my translation archives are stored solely there.
So yes,
Aoi's ARENA37C special interview which I had been dragging on and on for months is gone with it too. & fuck it, I actually almost completed 90% of it and was contemplating if I should post it up or not.





It's going to take some time for me to fix back my computer again, and possibly restore all my documents. ):
Damn I could cry 8|



Other than that,
you guys should watch Antique Bakery because it's pure gayness / yaoi-ness awesome I almost tugged my hair out every time those two patisserie makes out. GAH OMONA.



THIS IS PURE OSMNESS.
I LAUGHED LIKE MAD FOR RANDOM REASONS LOL.
If you can't take homoerotic scenes I think it's best you don't watch it rofl XDDD
If not, WATCH IT LIEK NAO. 8)

but this made me squee for random reasons LOL.

source: Manager Sakai's blog

Talk at backstage episode
Reita: Ha~~~~~
Kai: W-w-w-w~hat's wrong!! This isn't like Rei-chan at all!!
Reita: Actually you see. It seems like I'm a little nervous.
Kai: Serious!!! This isn't like you!! But actually me too...
Sakai: Today is Christmas!! This isn't like the World's Ride with the Rockers Team!! Didn't you guys practice like hell!! Do it as how you do normally.
Reita & Kai: Even though we understand that!! It's been a long time since we had a LIVE and the venue is so big...
Sakai: This isn't like the both of you!! Today's the Christmas Eve!!
Reita: Aahh!! You're right! Everyone came to our Live on such an important day!! We have to do our best!!
Kai: Let's create the best LIVE!!
And then Reita and Kai had a solid handshake together.
During the standby of the actual Live everyone's tension was at the max.

If you actually imagined how the conversation went,
you'd squee too because I just find the image too funny when Kai calls Reita "Rei-chan" and both of them whining to the Manager how nervous they were. XDD



Now excuse me while I be reading Kindaichi Shounen no Jinkenbo new manga.
Oh god it's so nerve-wrecking I can't wait to see the whole mystery solved. ♥

I need to blog more often, seriously! Anyway this is partly my 'Happy Obligatory Politically-Correct Consumer Holiday Greetings' post. As you can see, I don't really care much for Christmas, especially since all the political correctness came into it. Now they're going as far as saying Santa promotes obesity and is therefore setting a bad example to children. *rolls eyes* I wonder what the politically-correct people who think everything's a bad influence would say to this:
Hahaha I know I may have offended some people with that picture but really, people these days get offended by almost anything to the point it's a joke! Whoever knew that Santa's weight would spark such controversy after so many years? Maybe he'll decide to try Jenny Craig now XD That's how blatantly stupid the whole thing is.
Today also marks the One Year Anniversary of this blog...*yay*
I'm now going to cut this post short because I'm really too tired to write a decent length blog >.>
Got comments?~

Just been busy with things so I forgot to update recently.

You see, I bought this awesome beanie from Billabong for my Japan trip.
It costs SGD$50 because the quality is good and there's built-in headphones |'D
But it turned out that one side of the speaker wasn't working after I bought it .___.
So I ended up taking out the headphone,
and put in the one carefreeloner gave me.
AND




ZOMGWTFBBQMAYONAISSEANDGODLYOSMSAUCE.

It's perfecttttttt ♥
& it makes me a happy girl LOL.
Siying I'll pay you back $15 when I go and collect my paycheck alright |'Db


Uh let's see what's more to say for this week...
I guess nothing else LOL.







Oh and seriously,
is it just me or is it that Ruki's vocals are getting better?
I guess that's a good thing even though he keeps smoking. D:
& I always feel that whenever I listen to songs from the gazeboys, it just feels like I'm listening to like 10 different bands each time a different song is played. Escpecially since Ruki's voice keeps changing from songs to songs, and Kai's drumming obviously got alot better since NIL or a little earlier.






Both are slow songs but then Ruki's voice sounds a lot different to me,
and it normally makes me think that I'm listening to two different vocalists XDDD
But the thing that never changes in these two videos is





Okay bye bye I'm off to do random stuffs.
I'm should be translating Aoi's interview but I'm lazy like crazy. ):
*bricked prz*

sometimes
no matter how storng you are...
there are things you just dont want to face.

sometimes
you just need to face them anyway

sometimes
you get tired of waiting
waiting for the opportunity to actually face it.

sometimes
you get tired of disappointments

sometimes
you get tired of trusting people

sometimes
you get tired of thinking
thinking taht you know someone
just to find out you dont know them at all.

sometimes
you get tired of fighting

sometimes
you get tired of fighting for yourself
being the only one
who would fight for you

sometimes
it feelsso much easier to jsut give up

sometimes
it's just so much easier to leave...

sometimes
you cant help but wish that you could go.

but sometimes
you just cant get what you want.

sometimes
life just throws things at you
that you wish you didnt have to catch.

Just thought I had to translate this because it kind of cracks me up for random reasons LOL.

I got it from Manager Sakai's blog:

Small conversation

Today I'm moving[working] together with Ruki-kun...
Ruki: I feel more healthy recently!
Sakai: Health is the most important. Even though LIVEs are important too.
Ruki: You're right. I've even been doing the stretchings that I hate so much recently on a regular basis
Sakai: It is unbelievable. [yes he said this in english LOL]
Ruki: Serious! I even drink things like Ginger red tea.
Sakai: It seems like Ginger red tea is rather popular in the district nowadays! It seems to be able to make your body hot[warm]
Ruki: Yup yup.

After the conversation we went off the car...

Ruki: Ooo~ It's cold!
Sakai: It's winter! Don't catch a cold!
Ruki: Understood.

Something just tells me that the ginger red tea makes Ruki think that he's warm enough to walk outdoors. O:

AND SERIOUSLY, THE STARTING OF THE DISC FREAKED ME OUT.
YOU KNOW THE PART WHERE YOU CHOOSE TO PLAY EVERYTHING OR BY SONGS.
THE GIRL'S EYE JUST MOVED SUDDENLY I JUMPED THE FIRST TIME LOL.
THE LIVE HAD A DIFFERENT TOUCH THAN THE PREVIOUS ONES THOUGH, BUT I LIKE IT.
I WOULD LOVE IT IF THEIR PROLOGUE WAS LONGER.

ANATA NO TAME NO KONO INOCHI WAS LIKE OMG, WIN OF THE DAY PLEASE.
IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME WE'RE HEARING OLD SONGS FROM THEM.
HEADACHE MAN WAS FIERCEEEEEEEE. I MEAN, THE LAUGHTER RUKI MADE AT THE BACK WAS CREEPY BUT MADE THE SONG MORE EPIC.
& I HAVE NO COMPLAINS FOR THE SLOW SONGS, THEY ARE ALL DAMN AWESOME I FIND NO FAULT.
BIAS MUCH I KNOW. LOL.



PLUS I SAW A NUMBER OF PHAILS.

(1) I SAW URUHA TALKING TO REITA DURING ONE OF THE PERFORMANCE AND AFTER THAT, REITA POINTED A MIDDLE FINGER BACK TO URUHA. [TWO IN FACT, I THINK.]

(2) RUKI FORGOT HIS FITB LYRICS DURING THE CHORUS? OR WAS IT INTENTIONAL I DON'T KNOW.

(3) THE WAY RUKI DOES HIP THRUSTING DURING SOCIAL RIOT MACHINE WAS, UH, I DON'T EXACTLY KNOW. IT JUST LOOKS TOO WRONG. TOO WRONG. LOL.

(4) I SWEAR, I FUCKING SWEAR. I SAW A MOM HEADBANGING WHILE SHE'S HOLDING HER TODDLER. WTF, THERE ARE MANY MORE WAYS TO KILL YOUR CHILD BUT NOT THIS WAY.

EDIT: (5) RUKI HAS A NEW WAY OF HEADBANGING. I NOTICED THAT HE KIND OF LIKE HEADBANGS BACKWARDS FOR HEADACHE MAN DESPITE ALL HIS MASSIVE SHAKING LIKE CRAZY LOL.



THERE ARE STILL MOAR PHAILS BUT THESE ARE THE ONLY ONES I CURRENTLY REMEMBER LOL. AND YES, I'M SO EXCITED I'M STILL USING CAPSLOCK. OMGWTF. OHYAYBABY.

WELL NAO PLEASE EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO PARTY AND DROWN MYSELF IN THE GAZETTE OSMNESS.
IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I'VE SPAZZED OVER GAZETTE SO LET ME BE. 8D

So I was supposed to get my DVD today but because it's my brother's birthday today and we're having steamboat,
my mom made me stay at home. -___-
So I'll be getting it tomorrow instead D|
I've seen all the embedded videos on my friends' page and I feel so tempted to press it but I controlled LOL.



Anyway,
I checked the PS Mobile blog and I found this interesting picture:





seriously I don't know if it's just me or what,
but I LOLed at it. XDDDD
That guy in the picture is one of the gazeboys' manager, Saito-san.
If I'm not wrong that's a free mobile photo frame given to PS Mobile readers for them to take their photos in to commemorate their Christmas Eve live HAHAHAHAHA XDDD





Now excuse me while I be playing Rock Band Unplugged. 8D
Oh and yesterday I just bought 3 bottles of Breezer and 2 bottles of Klassic,
it tastes so damn godlike I think I could finish all of them in 1 day LOL.

tagged by my daughter at fb but she was tagged by tantalicious and ukii at first.. this's so tiring yet so fun XD

( .:.100.:. )

SO PAID AND PERMANENT ACCOUNT USERS CAN SEND COUPONS TO BASIC ACCOUNT USERS TO UPGRADE THEIR ACCOUNT.

Share the love with our $10 holiday coupons! If you're a Paid or Permanent user, you can send up to 10 Basic or Plus users a $10 coupon to upgrade to a one year paid account.

Recipients can upgrade for $9.95 (instead of $19.95) for one year by enrolling in our automatic payment plan or make a manual payment of $15 (instead of $25). Please note that these coupons are not transferable and cannot be used to renew existing paid accounts. Recipients must specifically decline the Holiday coupon in order for it to be credited back to the sender.

Just leave a comment here if you want one, my osm friends. ♥




On the side note,
OH GOD YES MY DVD IS ARRIVING TOMORROW.
PRAISE BE TO GAZETTE OSMNESS. 8D

I love it^^ It's got some new songs on it like Soultaker (obviously), Addicted to the Night, World of Ice and Why Do Even Angels have to Die? as well as remixes and a second CD with live in Berlin recordings^^ Anyway I'm really not feeling well >.> I've been trying to wind down but I've just been experiencing prolonged downtime. Problem is it just comes out of the blue. I was fine for a few days but it recurred last night... I haven't been doing all that much lately. This morning I wrote about a page but that's about it. I also did a year 12 psychology practice exam coz I was bored and managed to answer most of the questions correctly. It's all common sense really and I'm familiar with most of the topics. With a little more practice I should be able to answer them all quite easily. I got my report today and got 80+(the highest mark possible on my reports which is equal to an A/A+) on everything except PE which I got 70-79 on although I'm still happy with a 70-79 for PE coz it's one of the few times I didn't fail it. I'm also surprised at my VELS levels. I ended up with two A VELS levels and one B for math and 2 B VELS and 1 A for science o-O Normally teachers don't give people more than a C for VELS levels coz C means you're where you're at. Then again I did all the science extension work and averaged at 95 plus in math I got mostly tests in the 90s and my best section in the exam was the one everybody found supposedly hard when it was just an easy applied quadratics question. I'm just annoyed as hell with the comments I got for PE!!! I swear my teacher thinks I have a penis or something (I bet he was taking a drug cocktail when he wrote that crap)>.> He called me a 'he' at one point and wrote all this nonsense that made no sense whatsoever! It was such total bullshit! For a start he wrote that I participate in sports well but suck at theory when it should be the other way around (I'm only good at the theory)! I think we're going to report that hogwash! Teachers should write accurate reports or not write reports at all! Yesterday I also got some glimpses of some new Simpsons episodes and realised that, after not paying much attention to it for years, the show is keeping up with modern pop culture and technology.
Got comments?~

okay though i posted this in gazette_media already, i am still going to spam my journal with it :3



hai, so this is my work-in-progress of a Dress Up Rookie game~ click on the image to play please~






yeah (:    my comments on it are  here~ have fun?




on another note, it is Sono's birthday today! *parties*



lol camera whore









lol Ruki.. *pout*

Anyways I gotta go for my piano lessons now.
I will be getting my laptop back in 2-3 days' time so hopefully I can finally start my translations again. :D